I have been asked quite a few times why I became a Christian and from there, I elaborated on how I came to know Jesus as well as sharing some of my personal experiences. It’s actually quite a long story because it goes back to my childhood days and I’m excited to share with you.
I became a Christian because I believe in Jesus. Maybe you’re wondering WHY I believe in Jesus and how I know He exists. I wasn’t born a Christian nor was I raised in a Christian family. I was once asked if I could see or feel God and I straight up said, “no!”. It felt so awkward when this person asked me that question and I thought she was crazy for asking such a thing.
I became a Christian because I acknowledge the fact that I have gone down the wrong paths in life and made the worst decisions but that’s not it! I’ve had my own personal experiences with God and I do feel the difference before and after becoming a Christian. I have experienced so much to know that God is real and that Jesus lives. Too many things have happened to prove it to be true and I’ve had so many reassurances from God himself.
Sometimes, well no. Most of the time it’s really hard to share these experiences with unbelievers because they need to SEE or FEEL it for themselves but generally speaking, don’t we believe in things that we cannot see or feel? So why is it that we believe in those things but can’t to do the same when it comes to Christianity? Yes, we all have different beliefs but how do we explain that? Should we all not just have faith and believe in what we hear then?
Jesus is not someone whom anyone can see and because of that, many people don’t believe that He has risen. Well, there are some who has “seen” Jesus but did you know that He is brighter than the sun? Now, here is where I can attest to that because I have seen for myself. Just how bright? Is He just a spot of glowing light? How does it look?
Did I get you curious yet? Read on and follow me on my journey to find out the answers to those questions. Perhaps, you have even more questions which I haven’t listed and maybe it’ll be answered as you read through this post. If not, it’ll be in future posts!
My Testimony In Jesus
I became interested in Christianity back in 2003 but didn’t come to really know Him until 2009. Since August 2009, I’ve had my own experiences which brought me closer to God. I drifted away from Him starting in 2011 and didn’t find my way back until August 2016; I committed myself in going back to Church.
I attended church nine years ago but got lazy and unmotivated after a few months and stopped going. Between 2010 and 2016, I’ve had a few dreams and many experiences. My dreams gave me the same message each time; to go back to church, go back to Him. However, I never acted upon that message until 2016. I feel like even though I had drifted away from God, He never left my side. I often had reminders of Him and thought of Him from time to time but never made the commitment to go back to Church.
I became a Christian because I believe God is good and the experiences I’ve had showed me the love He has for me regardless of all my wrongdoings. It was a calling for me to come back to Him; He has spoken to me through dreams and I am very grateful for that because it reassures me that God is with me no matter what and that took away my doubts.
The changes I’ve noticed in my life as a result of inviting Jesus to be my Lord and Saviour is that I’m a lot more happier. I find joy and peace through Him, and I feel much lighter knowing I have direction in life because He will guide me. I think of Him everyday in everything I do and I know that without Him, I wouldn’t be where I am today… of course, family and friends aside.
Areas I want to improve on is to learn to have more patience in His plans and timing, and not jump to conclusions. I want to be able to trust in Him and not doubt Him just because things aren’t going my way or when my prayers aren’t being answered yet.
I decided to be baptized because I believe it’s a calling from God and it’s time that I act upon His calling, to do what Jesus did; put death to my sins and receive a new life. This time around, I’m drawn and motivated to go back to church.
How I Came To Know Jesus – Why I Became A Christian
How I came to know Jesus started when I was a little kid. Like some children out there, they know bits and pieces of Jesus and the cross or how He was nailed to the cross. I was one of those kids!
Does every child actually know the real and whole story to that, is the question. I for sure was one of those kids who didn’t even know what it meant for Jesus to be nailed to a cross. I just thought He was a random man getting nailed to the cross after being captured.
Fortunately growing up as a child, one of my aunts and her family were Christians. Were… and still is! I remember when I was young, my aunt would always tell me about God; how God can do this, how God can do that. I’m pretty sure my aunt told me who God was but I was too zoned out to really listen (you know who you are and if you’re reading this, sorry! But I’m really glad you never stopped!). My aunt bought me Children’s Bibles or Bibles for youths; that’s right, BibleS with an S!
Although I didn’t pay much attention to what my aunt told me at the time, I’m glad she never gave up on trying to tell me about God. Had she given up, I may not have gotten the basic knowledge of God and Christianity alone and it probably would’ve taken me even longer to seek God.
What I was told when I was younger wasn’t really “digested” but as days go by I would always wonder about God and how He could help me like my aunt said. Every time she came to visit, she would always tell me that she prayed for me or she prayed about this and that. Honestly, at that time I didn’t even know what it meant.
As I grew older, my parents who weren’t Christian at the time signed me up for a Christian summer day camp. This was when I really started to wonder and became curious about Christianity. I joined the summer day camp to get my volunteer hours in for high school and to think back now, it seems like that was actually the starting point of my belief in Christianity.
I remember the first week of summer day camp we watched quite a bit of movies and they were mostly on the rapture and how the devil will one day take over this world; plus the mark of the beast – 666. Those movies, let me tell you… I loved them and they were so interesting to watch! I was so excited whenever we had fellowship because that meant, movie time!
To think back on what we did in fellowship and to learn about God that way, I don’t think it was the best approach. I mean, the movie was pretty much about the devil marking his people and those who wanted to believe in Jesus would’ve been tortured or killed. If I was to run a summer day camp and have fellowship with children, I would want to teach them more about Jesus and the Bible; choosing the right movies that would get them to become curious of who Jesus really is.
Remember when I said someone asked me, “Can you see God? Can you feel God’s presence?”. This lady who organized the summer day camp asked me that. I actually remember looking around to try and SEE God but I couldn’t, so I just straight up told her, “No.”. She then told me that she could and I think for anyone who doesn’t know anything about Christianity would think she was crazy! Like, hello! You said you could see WHO? I literally thought she could see ghosts…
It was a very funny way to start a conversation but she then told me how she was able to feel God’s presence and she was telling me that God is always with us. The talk didn’t last too long and to be quite honest, other than those questions she asked and how she could feel God’s presence, I can barely remember what else she had told me.
Weeks went by and I found myself being more interested in learning about Christianity. We did prayer times everyday and of course, none of us volunteers had to lead these prayers. The more I was drawn to fellowship and prayer times, the more I wanted to read a Bible. I got home one day and opened up one of the Bible for youths that my aunt bought me but I couldn’t even hold the book for more than 5 minutes before putting it back down. I wanted something more visual and interactive but I never got that so I didn’t really grow spiritually at that time; I am a visual learner.
Well, the last day of the summer day camp arrived and we were all invited to join their Church the following Sunday as a “graduation”. I joined this “event” that day and we didn’t really have an actual service but we did start off Worshipping. At the end of it all, the lady who ran the summer day camp had Bibles for sale. Unfortunately, she only had one version at the time and I didn’t even know there were so many different versions of Bibles – with the same content of course. So I purchased my very first Bible! I was so excited that when I got home, I opened it up and tried to read but could barely understand the English! I was thinking, what kind of English is this? I don’t live in the ancient times!
You’re probably laughing at me right now but hey, I opened that Bible and tried reading it regardless! That wasn’t even the best part. The best part happened after I closed up the Bible and reopened it again wanting to try and understand the “English” one more time. Before I opened this Bible, I wondered to myself… “How do people pray? What should we say in a prayer? So I opened up the Bible, didn’t know where to start or what to read but these words in RED caught my attention. I opened up to the book of Matthew; for you believers, can you guess where my eyes landed and what I started reading without looking anywhere else? If you guessed Matthew 6:9, you are correct!!! I started there and didn’t stop until I reached the end of verse 13.
I know this one is off NIV (New International Version) and not King James but it’s the version I currently read. All that aside, are you going to tell me that I just so happened to be that lucky to land on this page in the Bible and be sucked into those verses? One Bible has so many books and so many verses in them, if you are going to tell me that it was just pure luck let me tell you that is not true because even though this was my first time experiencing something like that, it has happened at least a few more times over all these years especially earlier this year. I’m not one to have “luck” and it doesn’t happen every time.
For something to happen like this is not because of luck. Rather, God knows our hearts and He knows what we’re thinking; He knows before we ask and He knows before a word comes out of our mouths. I do believe that God wanted to give me an answer and to teach me how to pray. After this experience, I read through the book of Matthew and it spoke to me in many ways. Up until now, the book of Matthew is still my favourite not only because it brought me a step closer to God not because I gained so much more knowledge of what’s right and what’s wrong in God’s eyes. I also learned that the words written in red are the words that Jesus spoke.
After the summer day camp had officially ended, I never went back for Church. I’ve always wondered how it would be like to attend a regular service but didn’t know where to start looking for a Church. It didn’t feel right to just walk into one randomly when I didn’t know anybody. Apparently, many people do that, even for believers!
Some years had passed and I didn’t think about attending service anymore but I did take out the Bible to read. I actually tried to read a little everyday but eventually stopped. However, when It stressed or unhappy, I found myself opening up my Bible; I always gained that peace after reading a few verses – it became my go to thing when I was feeling down or angry. Now I know, God speaks to us through people, through visions/dreams, and through the Bible. I believe during those times even when I didn’t know much about Christianity that God spoke to me without realizing and He gave me that peace that I much needed.
5 years down, something tragic happened at home. My grandpa was hit by a car but miracles after miracles happened. That accident was extremely bad and I remember the doctor telling us that night when we waited outside of the critical care unit, an 18-year-old man having injuries like my grandpa would not have made it. However, my grandpa was staying strong and fighting hard as we spoke. The doctor of course, didn’t give us any hope to prepare for the worse and didn’t think my grandpa would make it past the night. Well, time was ticking… hours passed and my grandpa was still in a coma. Long story short, he woke up from his coma within 2-3 weeks ONLY! The doctors didn’t think my grandpa would come out of his coma but guess what? He did!
Long story short, my aunt who is Christian flew in from Hong Kong before the small surgeries for a tracheostomy and a halo that my grandpa had to undergo. Like any normal person out there, we’d be scared hearing that we have to go through surgery. Well, my mom was there to witness my grandpa shaking in fear when he heard about these surgeries. I was not in the room with them at the time because they didn’t allow too many visitors in the ICU but my mom told me afterward how my aunt prayed for my grandpa and he immediately stopped shaking. The power of a prayer is so powerful that it may be hard for non-believers to acknowledge until they have experienced or witnessed for themselves.
What my mom told me made me even more curious about God, it was amazing to hear and that was the day my mom started to believe in God. I mean, I believed at the time but there were so many unanswered questions as well. Ever since that incident, I had started to believe in God more and would seek Him and pray to Him.
About another year later, my mom and I were invited by a family friend to join their Bible study. For about a year we attended and I learned a lot, and most importantly I learned that everyone has a different way of praying – there is no set way of how to pray.
Attending Bible study didn’t last for a very long time because it no longer fit my schedule. My mom continued but she joined the Cantonese side so I pretty much stopped attending Bible study and going to Church altogether. Now comes the awesome part because that’s when I started having my personal experiences which I will share briefly with you down below, so make sure you keep on reading!
Following my personal experiences, I had still drifted away from God. I still prayed from time to time but I got very lazy. 2015 of August, I was invited to attend Church by a family friend. I went for two weeks and the first week going back to Church felt so overwhelming inside. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a bad overwhelming feeling! Rather, it was an overwhelming feeling of JOY. It like my burden was completely lifted and It so at peace… the peace that I had not felt in so long! That’s when it hit me, I really do need to go back to Church because without God I can’t find this peace! It’s the kind of peace that we can’t find anywhere else, trust me on that one. I was so at peace and felt so loved that my eyes teared up; that was how relaxing It – I was stress free after so long!
Does it mean we won’t be stressed if we’re a Christian? Definitely not! After all, we’re still human but the difference is, we get that peace from Him and he guides us and open doors for us along the way.
Many times I’m reminding people that it’s hard for unbelievers to believe until they have their own experiences, and these experiences are mind blowing.
Back on track, so after those 2 weeks of attending service I stopped again. I stopped the third week because I was busy with some work and the fourth… well, I started to get lazy. Did I feel guilty for not going? For sure… I’ve thought about going back to Church but I was too lazy, I didn’t want to commit to waking up so early every Sunday morning – yes, I was bad!
Does being too tired and lazy to wake up early Sunday morning sound like you? That was me, it wasn’t because I didn’t believe in God; I just couldn’t commit to waking up early on the weekend! I mean, we have work Monday to Friday and we finally have two days off to sleep in and relax… right? Well… that has definitely changed and if that sounds like you, you can also make that change; rather, that change will happen when you least expect it. Down the road you will be like, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m getting my butt out of bed at 8am every Sunday!”
It had been exactly one year, and to mark off that one year I got a reality check. Something happened to a point where It like it was literally, the end of the world for me. I didn’t know how to piece everything together nor did I have the strength to turn things around on my own.
During that one year, I probably prayed several times? How many times was I angry with God and blamed Him during that one year? A heck of a lot more times than I prayed! I was one to blame God for everything that went wrong in my life, I didn’t think He would help me no matter how bad my situation was.
How terrible of me for blaming Him for my own faults? My own BAD decisions? My own stupidity? All those times when nothing went right was because God was trying to get me out of my mess and preventing me from actually getting hurt. Did I realize that at the time? Nope. Not until that one night when all hell broke loose, there was absolutely nothing I could do at that point. It so helpless and so hopeless! Before going to bed, I was told to pray… because that was the only thing left that I could do. Everything was up to God, everything was out of my control and out of my hands. So that night, I prayed. I prayed my heart out and I’ll admit I have never prayed so hard in my life to the point where I made promises to God that if He could get me through this, I would commit myself to not only Him but to commit myself in going to Church every week. I didn’t pray this once, I didn’t pray this twice, I didn’t pray it three times. I pretty much repeated my prayer for I don’t even know how long.
Something strange happened that night. I was so bothered by everything already but I was able to sleep. I slept as if nothing had happened… however, I did wake up feeling like it was the end of the world. That morning I continued to pray and pray and pray. Never in my twenty-something years have I prayed like that, EVER.
All those prayers, all my promises that I made… God heard. As painful as the whole experience was for me, what’s important was He heard my prayers and he brought me through the most difficult time in my life at that point in time. I’m not saying that He won’t get me through any other difficult times because He has but how many times do we fall so hard to the point where we feel like there’s nothing more to life and feeling hopeless? Just when we think everything is hopeless, God comforts us, gives us His peace, and strengthens us to get through all the tough times we face… that is, if we trust and have faith that He does.
Ever since God brought me through my the most difficult days, I’ve been attending Church. I made my promise to commit myself in going back to Church and I have! It has now been officially two years since I’ve gone back to Church. No longer have I made an excuse to skip Church because It tired or lazy. It’s not just because I made a promise to God – I obviously want to keep my word but it’s because I no longer feel like waking up early for Church is “burden” anymore.
Maybe you’re asking, “Well, what does it feel like to you now?”. I still wake up tired but there is that drive in me that I need to go, it’s like a thirst for God. How should I put it… it has become a part of me to get up every Sunday, head to Church and Worship him together with all the brothers and sisters; like a weekly routine. Little excuses don’t hold me back from attending service, the only times I do miss out on service is when I’m on vacation or if there are plans that can’t be worked around – time wise.
Between the time I went back to Church and my baptism, I’ve had many experiences, visions, and dreams. A few were quite unexplainable but has applied to my present days; more specifically, two months ago. Many things have happened since I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. For me to piece things together, it all makes sense today.
Many times, things happen and we’re just completely clueless to why it’s happening. As time goes by whether it be days, months, or even years, you will think back to all the things that have happened and then realize what it has all led up to. There are so many things that we cannot see when we hit an obstacle in life but it shouldn’t push us back. Rather, we should find that strength in us to carry on. Obstacles in life aren’t there to crush us, it’s there to strengthen us and help us persevere. Life will always be full of obstacles but each obstacle teaches us something. You may lose what’s important you to at the time but you will gain a lot more! Perhaps something that’s way more important than you thought; like maybe a better job or a new career path that you’re much more happy with.
What I thought I had lost, which at that point was everything even though I still had family and friends around, I’ve gained far more than I would’ve ever imagined; I gained God. Not only did I gain Him, I gained inner peace and comfort… most importantly, I had hope! From being hopeless, I found my purpose in life and had a hope for my future.
What really helped me through emotional tough times whether it was sadness or anger, I found myself browsing for inspirational quotes and Bible verses off Pinterest. Only reason why I went to Pinterest for Bible verses was because it was one of the best ways to find the perfect verses by searching results for “strength” or “I need Jesus”. The right verses popped up and I would be reading ten, twenty, even thirty verses! Next thing I knew, It much more calm and relaxed because all the verses I read spoke to me.
One of the ways that God speaks to us is through the Bible and I know for a fact that I’m not the only person who has experienced the peace from opening up that book to read. Sometimes, we flip open the Bible not knowing where to read and suddenly you may be drawn to one particular passage and for some reason it will speak to us. There’s a reason why certain passages draw our attention, God could be using that passage to speak to us. He doesn’t always speak directly to us in a way we understand, that’s our job to find out.
I became Christian because I do believe in Jesus; I do believe that he rose from the dead and that He is the One True Living God. I have not seen His face but I know He is real through my personal experiences. Like I said earlier on, there are many people out there who refuse to believe until they have experienced something on their own. All we as Christians can do is to spread the Gospel and share our testimony and experiences in hopes that it will bring another lost sheep back to its Shepherd.
What I can say is, Jesus is real and so is Heaven. Many people have seen both Heaven and Hell who shares their experiences. I didn’t become a Christian because of their experiences and I’m sure if you’re currently seeking, what others have experienced may not be the main reason for you to believe. I became a Christian because I have seen Heaven for myself and have experienced that peace in Heaven. I am very fortunate that I did not have to deal with a life and death situation in order to see. Here’s one more thing to add on, even though I had saw and experienced Jesus and Heaven personally, I still never went back to Him.
Are you curious to know who Jesus is? Are you seeking for answers? Follow your guts and head over to a Church of your choice as long as you’re feeling comfortable about it. You may not know anyone from that Church but you can always ask and get the answers you’re looking for. You may not get all the answers the first time around so keep asking. Or if you’d like, you can always drop me a message! Let us share and walk this journey together! Perhaps we can have a discussion and if I don’t have the answers you’re looking for, I will definitely find out and get back to you!
Personal Experiences, Visions, and Dreams
Next comes my own experience! Oh, I can’t wait to share this! I will briefly tell you each experience and if you want to know more in detail make sure you follow my journey!
My very first experience aside from experiencing the peace off reading the Bible would have to be an interview; if you had read my last post, you’d recall that I had an interview with a police service and just before I stepped into the police headquarter, my mom called and told me to pray before going in. Let me tell you, I’m shy and introverted so I never liked interviews; I was nervous and doubted myself a lot. So before I walked in for my interview, I prayed! Low and behold, It so comfortable the moment I walked in! It didn’t even feel like an interview, everything happened so fast! An introverted me became quite talkative to the point where I kind of got off topic but heck, that spiked up a conversation with my interviewer! How sweet was that???
I walked out of my interview super excited and joyful, didn’t even have an ounce of fear in me. First thing I did when I walked out was to call my mom and let her know how smooth the interview went. That was my very first personal experience and ever since that time, I believed more and more in God that He is indeed able and that He hears my prayers.
My second experience would have to be a connecting flight to Hong Kong back in 2010. A little story on that one which you will probably think is silly. There is a TV show called Mayday and it’s an aircraft crash investigation documentary. My brother watched that almost everyday back then and seeing how planes were crashing, it made me anxious to board a plane. 3 years prior to this trip, I also took a direct flight to Hong Kong with lots of turbulence that I honestly felt so uncomfortable, scared and thought of the worst case scenarios.
So 2010 came along and I was traveling to Hong Kong. This time, because I believed that there is a God and I believed that He gives us peace I decided to Pray after I sat down in my seat. I prayed to myself and I can admit that I didn’t have much faith at the time. I prayed but at the same time there was a doubt in me thinking maybe this prayer won’t really be much help. Well, the plane took off! “Take off was smooth!” I thought to myself and started to wait for the turbulence. This was only the first flight in, I was still worried about the second longer flight. I waited and waited, an hour in and there goes the turbulence! It wasn’t a light turbulence, it was pretty strong but It nothing. More turbulence came but still, It so at peace and fearless. I actually thought, “Ok, enough shaking… when is this going to end so I can get some sleep?”. That was how peaceful the whole flight was despite the heavy turbulence!
Our flight landed in Vancouver and I had not told my mom that I prayed before we took off. We had about two hours to spare before our next flight and during that time I decided to open up to my mom about the whole experience; from praying before take off, to going through turbulence, to landing. What she told me after shocked me! You know what she told me??? She said she also prayed before take off and also felt that same peace throughout the flight! WHAT! No… That was such a coincidence but also so amazing to have had the same experience with her on the same day and at the same time. Now, how are you going to explain this if it weren’t for God? Don’t forget what I said earlier, I did admit that I lacked faith and I had doubts. How much more confident was I in praying after that experience?
The next flight to Hong Kong was just as smooth and It no fear in me either, I was actually able to enjoy my flight and get some rest. Now every time I travel anywhere on an aircraft, I pray before take off. That comforting peace I get each time is just simply amazing, God is so good.
My third, fourth, and even fifth experience happened in a dream. If you had read my previous post, you’ll know that I joined a Bible study group and attended for about a year before I stopped going because it just didn’t work with my schedule. So after that one year, I stopped attending Bible study and stopped attending Church service even though it was on and off prior. Only a few months in, I had my third experience. Another few months down, my fourth experience. After that, I had not experienced anything big between the fifth and the day I went back to Christ if I remember correctly.
So, to keep YOU interested in wanting to know what my third, fourth, and fifth experience was about, you will have to follow me on my journey -wink wink- I promise I will be sharing with you in posts ahead! But a little “glimpse” of these dreams, I saw Heaven. As a matter of fact, I got a partial tour of Heaven in my first dream (third experience) and that blew my mind when I woke up the following morning. Not only did I get a tour, I received a message from God.
My fourth experience, another dream in Heaven! Again, I received another message but this time I was not getting a tour of Heaven. Except, I saw something. Can you guess what or who it was that I saw?
My fifth experience was also a dream but this time, it was much different than the first two dreams; I still got a message out of that dream. This time, I clearly was not in Heaven but I don’t think it was Hell. I have shared this with my Pastor at the time and he asked me, “Do you think what you saw was part of the end times?”. I even have his e-mail response to that, let me show you. I woke up from this dream and as uncomfortable as I was feeling, I didn’t have a fear in me. However, the message that God gave to me was very very clear. Only thing is, did I act upon his calling? Nope.
I’d have to say, I’ve never had those kinds of dreams before and all three did convey a message but I still couldn’t gather myself together to go back to Church. Later, I found out that dreams were one of the many ways for God to speak to us. I told my mom about these dreams that I had… well, I’ve had more dreams and I tell her every dream that I have. So I told my mom those dreams and one day months down, she told me it was funny that my aunt also had dreams during that time telling her that it’s time for me to go back to God. My mom didn’t tell me about it at the time but isn’t it amazing how God works? However, I still didn’t go back to Church even after all that knowing that.
You would think, well your aunt had a dream that it’s time for you to go back to Him and knowing you had your dreams why didn’t you go back? I guess it’s because my heart wasn’t exactly there yet. Or maybe I was looking for an even clearer message to go back. Then again, the biggest issue at the time was that I didn’t know anyone at Church around my age. For me to be introverted, it was hard to just walk up to a total stranger and start talking without things being awkward; I just hoped that I would be approached instead. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen and so I prolonged my time in going back to Christ.
I remember around February 2017, I had a rough time trying to get my doctor to sign some papers for me. Long story short, I went to the clinic in hopes to meet with my doctor but unfortunately he had already left for the day. Due to some misunderstandings a couple weeks prior, the receptionist refused to help me in any way. I apologized for what had happened (it’s a whole other story between family and this lady) and literally had to beg her to have my forms signed by my doctor (I needed it the next month) but she refused because she was still so upset about what had happened.
I left the clinic feeling so heart broken and it seemed like my last hope was gone. I thought to myself, I already went to the clinic to apologize to the receptionist for something that I hadn’t personally done and she couldn’t accept my apology and help me out. I mean, for me to get my sick butt up to the clinic I would’ve thought this lady would have some sympathy but nope! I went there knowing how bad it would look on me but I put down my ego and pride to apologize hoping to resolve the misunderstanding. It so beat down and I have never spent so much time begging and apologizing to someone, it was such a hard thing to do too.
I tried to stay strong and positive about this my whole drive home and kept telling myself I need to find a new doctor within two weeks but how exactly was I going to do that? So many doctors weren’t accepting new patients and walk-in clinics weren’t even an option, I needed my own family doctor!
I got home and went to my room where I finally gave up and broke down, falling to my knees crying out to God asking what I could do at that point. I was so hurt and felt so hopeless to the point where It like my life was over or something. I know, it was so silly of me but that was how It at the time. BUT HANG ON!!! That was when God comforted me and gave me the peace I much needed. I wasn’t even 5 minutes into crying but I suddenly felt that comfort, a comfort that I had never felt from anyone before. It like I was being hugged and held… I was still hurting and I was still crying but I noticed that hurt in me was starting to decrease bit by bit. I suddenly felt that everything was going to be fine; everything was going to be ok. I wanted to cry, I honestly did but I couldn’t. It like if I did, I would only be forcing a fake cry without tears if you know what I mean.
It was so strange to feel that comfort, peace, and knowing that everything will work out in the end. I knew at that moment that God was with me; I knew at that moment that it was God comforting me. I stood back up smiling, chuckling to myself even and went to freshen up. I knew that I could put my trust in God and leave it all to Him; He was the one who told me that everything will be alright after all, correct?
So guess what happened 2-3 weeks in? Although all my plans got delayed, the receptionist was willing to reach out to me through my brother. After the incident, I never reached out to my doctor or the receptionist but my brother had an appointment and that was where my turnaround happened. I ended up back at the clinic and sorted out the misunderstanding with the lady and got to see my doctor and have my papers all signed. Not only did she accept my apology and acknowledge that it was all a misunderstanding but we both gained back the respect for each other.
You know when people say, “When the time comes, it will happen.”? It’s true but what’s also true is, God has His timing; all that we do and all that we go through is all in His timing. When it’s time, God will provide. When it’s not time yet, God will make us wait and He did make me wait. I had to wait and I didn’t know how “fine” everything was going to be but look, everything worked out just like He said. Things didn’t work out at the time because I probably wasn’t even ready for what I was going after but when God allowed it to happen, everything happened smoothly. Best of all, I also gained the confidence that I never once had in my life to go through something… big.
Haha, did I get you again right there? You have got to follow me on my journey to find out what this “something big” was. Remember to check back on my blog! It may not be in the next blog but I will definitely share that experience with you.
Now, each and every one of us has a timeline. The day we were born and the day we die, God has it planned out. He already knows what we’ll be doing the next millisecond and He knows what we’re thinking or what we’re about to say; He knows our hearts. I say and many Christians will say that everything is in God’s timing because He already has our life planned out. He knows what we will gain and what we will lose. What we lose is nothing compared to what He will give back to us in return, we just have to choose to believe. As far as I’m concerned, every time I thought I had lost something I’ve gained back more in return.
Yes, we pray and as God for things but it doesn’t mean that we will get all that we ask for. God will answer each prayer but the answer doesn’t necessarily have to be “yes”. His answer could be “no”, “not yet”, “I have something better”, or to even wait. In the end, God only wants what’s best for us because He knows that what’s not for us will only hurt us in the end. However, if we choose not to believe in Him and continue to strive for what WE want, we will crumble one day. With God, all things are possible and we come out in victory.
Sometimes, we try to have things done our way and in our time and things just don’t work out. Maybe it does, temporarily but don’t we want things to last permanently? Everything has its own season and when it’s time, God will open those doors for us.
Well, what can I say? I’ve had too many personal experiences to write it all down here in one post so I have decided to split them up and write a post for each and go into a little more detail.
Between the time when I started committing myself to God and going back to Church which was August 2016, I’ve had more dreams and visions. So many things have happened since and at the time I didn’t think much of it but it sure applied to what I have been going through the past 6 months. I can’t wait to share that with you! Make sure to check back for more blog posts!
Oh, before I end with my experience section here I wanted to mention my sleep paralysis. Have you experienced one of those before? Except, I knew I was being attacked by the devil. Why? How? Well, one time (and it wasn’t my first time experiencing it) it happened in the middle of the night and for some odd reason I had a feeling in me to yell out to Jesus! Can you guess what happened after I did? This was actually long before I came back to Christ but He saved me. I didn’t believe in Jesus fully but He saved me. It was like my soul knew, just like what the Bible says: Mark 14:38 – “…The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Ever since that one time when I called out to Jesus, I would just automatically call on Him every time I was being attacked in my sleep but of course I had faith in Him and trusted that He will save me; and yes, He has every single time.
Life Before I Became a Christian
Before I became a Christian, I was someone who would follow the crowd; you know, walk that broad path. I would do what others did to blend in and not stand out from the crowd. I told lies so that people would accept me, I had a lot of guilt built up in me, I wasn’t truly happy, It lonely, It hopeless… any of that sound like you maybe?
I mean, I wasn’t a super terrible person but I definitely wasn’t all that “innocent” either; I still had the heart to care, I was sincere, I wanted to help people… but I took the wrong approach and made bad choices and bad decisions along the way. It made me upset how some people around me weren’t happy and I wanted to help them feel better about themselves or even mend any brokenness between them and friends/family. Unfortunately it was MY way, not God’s and so I admit, I made a lot of mistakes along the way with the intention of helping people.
It like everything and everyone was being taken away from me no matter how much effort I tried putting in, nothing seemed to go well. All I could do at the time was just blame God for all of that but never blamed myself for any wrongdoings; I refused to admit that I was wrong because I didn’t think what I was doing was bad or harmful.
I just didn’t feel complete and I was definitely missing something but I didn’t know what it was. It like I didn’t even have a purpose in life and because of all the lies that was embedded into my head, I only thought of myself as a very useless person who couldn’t do anything to help people or to make people’s lives better; to make it short, I just felt like a burden to everyone especially my family.
As you can see, all these negative thoughts that I had before I became a Christian were all lies. They weren’t lies from people per se, they were lies from the devil because what? Satan is the god of lies and he will use anyone and anything to bring a person down and feel bad about themselves to the point where they become bitter, so bitter that they will hurt other people.
Happiness at the time was not the same; there were times when It happy but it was only temporary and whenever It happy, I would literally think how long the good times will last until something bad happens and ruins EVERYTHING again.
To me, life was really hard before I came to Christ. Nothing felt right and I couldn’t even be myself without being judged! I was so self-conscious that it gave me anxiety. Life was quite stressful because It like I needed to please people and do everything to their standards. If I wasn’t able to work to someone’s standard or expectations, I would think that I’m a failure because I would be told I’m not doing good enough and then get compared to people who are better.
Do you feel the way I did? Feeling like a failure, feeling like you’re not good enough, feeling lonely, feeling hopeless, you can’t truly be happy? If you feel this way, I encourage you to follow me on my journey and hopefully all these feelings will go away when you get answers to YOUR questions because I know for a fact that you never have to feel this way. You may feel this way now but I can guarantee you that if you’re willing to make that change, you will be free from feeling like you’re not good enough.
Life After I Became a Christian
After I became a Christian, the first thing I noticed was that my burden was light. Or maybe I should say, my burden was gone because God lifted it off of me. My shoulders definitely felt much lighter and best of all, I am happy! I can TRULY be happy! I can smile each day no matter how bad my day is going which may actually sound weird but I feel that joy in me. Not only do I feel much happier, days after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior my mentor noticed that I smile much more and I seemed like a much brighter person compared to before. There is no better feeling than this!
I’ve found my purpose in life, I no longer look down on myself, I no longer let other people’s judgments affect me, happiness is now PERMANENT, I no longer go through lonely times, I no longer feel hopeless, I no longer have that guilt in me, and I no longer please people to their expectations of me.
I have noticed so many changes in me since I became a Christian; I’ve become a more confident person. For me to look back on how life was before I became a Christian was a whole learning process. All those bad times I had to go through was actually because of my own decisions and my own actions. What I did before was for myself, not for God. Now, everything I do is FOR God and not for myself; not out of selfishness.
I feel like I’ve gained a whole lot more than I would’ve imagined. Although I’ve lost a lot before becoming a Christian but it’s nothing compared to the amount that I have gained after accepting Christ. When I say I gained a lot, I don’t mean material things because I can’t take those with me when I die. It’s really hard to describe what I have gained from accepting Christ but I can definitely feel the difference in me. I have gained freedom through Christ and not be tied down by the lies. Isn’t receiving the grace FREELY from God already the best gift?
I found purpose in life, it’s not just working to survive; there’s more to that in life! It’s more than just living life, it’s serving God and doing what’s truthfully right and pleasing Him, not people! Through God, I found myself.
I no longer look down on myself, I no longer think negatively of myself as much as I used to. I admit, I still do but I always have a reminder that no matter how bad I think of myself God accepts me for who I am. After all, He created me. Which creator doesn’t love their own creations? God looks way past my flaws, mistakes, and imperfections; I’m accepted by Him regardless. To Him, I am perfect!
I no longer let other people’s judgments affect me. People will always judge but we all go through the final judgment by God. He is whom we should fear, not people of this world. Sure, people can judge me. I don’t need to be like them nor do I have to work to their expectations of me. I am me, accept me as I am or move on. Just as I am being judged, so are those who are judging me. I don’t need to pretend to be someone who I’m not, why should I need to fake myself just to make others happy? If I’m being judged by people, they’re judging God because I was created in His image. Those who judge me don’t even have the right to judge me because they will be judged by others, it’s just a cycle but the final judgment by God is whom we shall fear! So, should I still fear those who judge me?
I found my happiness, my true happiness. The happiness that is meant to stay because I chose to be in the light and not be trapped and blinded by lies. The hardships in life don’t bring me down anymore, it helps strengthen me and builds me into the person who God wants me to be. I can be happy because God gives me the strength to carry on when I’m not able to myself, and He gives me the strength to BE happy through trials. Most importantly, I put my faith and my trust in God who provides and gives me peace and comfort. I know that God is watching over me, protecting me, and is with me; with us all.
I have hope because I have a God who can do the impossible. I have hope because I know that everything is in God’s hands and everything is all in His timing. As long as I trust in Him, everything will work out in the end because with God, I will come out in victory.
My life since accepting Christ has been amazing and I can’t wait to see all the blessings ahead of me. Yes, I will continue to face hardships because this is part of life but I have a God who will help me, guide me, and be with me during these times.
As a Christian, I’ve learned to accept my faults than to blame God or anyone else. All that I do, it’s not for me and it’s not for anyone else. My work and all that I do is for God; to glorify Him. I am so blessed with this opportunity to share my journey with you all.
I pray that if you’re not a believer in Christ, you will seek Him and find the answers to your questions. If you’re a doubter, give God a chance. That 1% of faith will change the way you view life, I can guarantee you!